Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
