The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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