The maid of honor just puked.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
he's single and there are thong briefs.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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