Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...