what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect