You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.