I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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