i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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