I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
