question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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