I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
