WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
