Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
