she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
