Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
