And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
