those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
