she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
