just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
