I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
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I checked into jail on foursquare
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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