Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
