Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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