hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
