that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
