you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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