it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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