i permit you to call me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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