I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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