I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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