Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This toilet bowl is my home.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
