So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
