Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
