Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
