How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
