So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
