Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
