PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
