So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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