yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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