There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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