Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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