There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
