Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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