Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My dick has a subreddit
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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