I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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