The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
