Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he was CRYING into my vagina
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
