Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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