Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
