its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
