Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He better not be in your backpack
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
