Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."