And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.