You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE