She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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