; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
