so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
