You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
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Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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