Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
