Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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