if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
