life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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