I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
