i will never coherently bang her
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
