Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
