I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Randomize
