you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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