What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
