Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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