I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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