Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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