Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
