I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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