We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
