Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
