I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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