So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
