dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
