she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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