My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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