i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
