dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
