Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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