I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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