That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
