I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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