i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
